Short Funny Jokes for Adult | Jokes Of The Day

Not all jokes are meant for kids, so we've listed these jokes especially for adults. Just make sure the kids aren’t around when you’re approaching them. But of course the jokes are very funny, so you can’t control your laughter. These gold nuggets were simply encouraged with perseverance for random picking. We all like a good joke, especially the ones that can actually be shared with people. So we decided to come up with a collection of 120 jokes from the web.

Short Funny Jokes for Adult


Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.

Q: What is a vampires least favorite food?
A: Steak.

Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.

Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.

Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell.

Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s dread-full.

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!

Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It’s sweeping the nation!

Q: What did Dracula say after reading of these jokes?
A: They suck!

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself an honest artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: How are you able to tell a vampire likes baseball?
A: nightly he turns into a bat.

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A: a man with very high blood pressure…

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To prevent his coffin.

Q: what's a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel…

Q: What’s a Vampire’s least favorite song?
A: Another one bites the dust!

Q: what's Dracula’s favorite restaurant?
A: Murder King.

Q: Where do vampires keep their money?
A: The blood bank!!!

Q: What does one get once you cross a vampire with the internet?
A: Blood-thirsty hacker baby.

Q: Who does Dracula get letters from?
A: His fang club.

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: to prevent his coffin.

Q: What does one call a gangsta snowman?
A: Froze-T.

Q: What does one get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a replacement Jersey, what would Delaware?
A: Idaho… Alaska!

Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?
A: Wave to them!

Q: What do you call a gang banger behind bars?
A: Anything you want.

Q: What’s sicker than a pile of dead babies?
A: The one alive in the middle chewing it’s way out.

Q: What do you call a bookworm who gets eaten by a cannibal?
A: “Reader’s Digest.”

Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?
A: Wave to them!

Q: What do you call a gang banger behind bars?
A: Anything you want.

Q: What does one call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

Q: What’s sicker than a pile of dead babies?
A: The one alive in the middle chewing it’s way out.

Q: what's the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.

Q: What does one call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis.

Q.When does one kick a dwarf within the balls?
A.When he's standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice

Q: What do you call a bookworm who gets eaten by a cannibal?
A: “Reader’s Digest.”

Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?
A: He got tired.

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: Why are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Q: What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
A: He doesn’t want anyone knowing he’s been fucking the chickens!

Q: What is a crack head’s favorite song?
A: I wanna rock!

Q: How does one tell if a chick is just too fat to fuck?
A: once you pull her pants down, her ass remains in them.

Q: What does a lady and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you've got left is that the greasy box to place your bone in.

Q: Why is being within the military sort of a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the higher you are feeling.

Q: What does one call a ninety-year-old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Q: How does one get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an male child.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?
A: He got tired.

Q: How does a lady scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: How does one get tickets to the Tampon 100?
A: Pull some strings.

Q: Why are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can’t get up for themselves

Q: Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!

Q: Why did the rest room paper avalanche the hill?
A: He needed to urge to the bottom!

Q: What did the penis tell the condom?
A: Cover me I’m going in!

Q: What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.

Q: What do you have to do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: hamper . And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes once they rise up within the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

Q: What does an honest bar and an honest woman have in common?
A: Liquor within the front and poker within the back!

Q: Why does the Easter bunny hide Easter eggs?
A: He doesn’t want anyone knowing he’s been fucking the chickens!

Q: What does one get once you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
A: Halfway.


Q: what's the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: head makes your day and sodomy makes your whole weak.

Q: Whats the simplest thing about an 18-year-old girl within the shower?
A: Slick her hair back she looks 15.

Q: What’s strong enough for a person but made for a woman?
A: the rear of my hand.

Q: How do they assert “fuck you” in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.

Q: What did the banana tell the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s getting to eat me

Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State eleven and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.

Q: what's a crack head’s favorite song?
A: I wanna rock!

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