English Funny Jokes | English text Jokes and Images

Funny jokes is a very important part of our life. Everyday we all work hard but minimum of time we get to enjoy our life. Laugh is a part of our life, now we almost forget it. Our human mentality now decrease day by. This English Funny Jokes can help you for laughter and your working energy increase day by day.

Wishes of three Girlfriends

Three girlfriends are walking in the forest, Suddenly an angel appeared in front of them. 

Angel: I will fulfill your three wishes. 

1st girlfriend: Make me the most beautiful girl in the world.
Angel: I gave.

2nd girlfriend: Make me a princess
Angel: I gave.

3rd girlfriend: Make these two as before.


Blessings of the Pir

One day a boy goes to pir for blessing him. He told this pir...

Boy: Dad prayed a little for me.
Pir: I pray you that, God give you a son.

One year Later...

Boy: How did you pray? There are no child was born.
Pir: Ok. Now i pray for you. Ofcourse born your child. You go to home.

One year Later...

Boy: How did you pray dad? There are no child was born.
Pir: Then it seems that your wife has a problem. Come back with your wife.

Boy: I'm not married yet. Where will i get my wife from?


A Traveler Woman

An old woman always travels the same way on the bus. Over time, he became friendly with the driver and he always brought him a great little bag of peanuts.

The bus driver was enjoying the nuts at first, but a few days later he said to the lady, "Come on, Mrs. Bilker, you like it very much, I love peanuts, but please stop bringing me, keep something for yourself."

 "Ah, no annoying young man," said the old man, laughing, "I have no more teeth, I can't eat even if I want to. But I'm so mad that the delicious chocolate they always stick to!"


A Girlfriend talking with her Boyfriend.

Girlfriend: Sweetheart, can you swimming?

Boyfriend: No. I don't know.

Girlfriend: Si si a dog can swimming!

Boyfriend: Sweetheart, can you swim?

Girlfriend: Yes. I can do it.

Boyfriend: Then there is no difference between you and the dog.


Sleepless Night

Harvey comes home late at night, drunk as Skunk. He is stuck in the bedroom and wakes up his sleeping wife, “Eli, wake up! You will never believe it! "

"What happened?" Eli answered asleep.

I just go to the bathroom and guess what, the light switched on by itself, by itself. And when I was going out the lights went off again, I didn't have to do anything! Am I getting superpower or what!

 Emily cried, “Come on Harvey! You dirty animal, I bet you just went to the fridge again! "


The Boy

The son comes from outside, stops right behind the door of the house and shouts, "Moomum !!!!"

Her mother yelled in frustration from the first floor, "I had enough of this constant rolling. If you have anything to say, come and tell me personally, don't just shout like that!"

The boy nodded obediently, staring at the stairs and into his mother's room, and said, "Look, Mom, I've set foot on the dog's doo-doo!"


Patient and Doctor!

Patient: Doctor! You need to help me! No one ever listens to me. No one ever pays attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please!


A teenager talking on the phone

The teenager was talking on the phone for about half an hour and then hung up.

"Wow!", His father said, "it was small. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," the girl replied.


Perfect son

A: I have the right son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I think you really have a perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be three months old next Sunday.


A Dancer Girl

Girl: you will be an honest dancer apart from two things.

Boy: What are the 2 things?

Girl: Your feet.


Patient and Doctor!

Doctor to patient: 'You are very sick'

To the patient's doctor: 'Can i buy a second opinion?'

The doctor says again: 'Yes, you're also very ugly ...'

I use this joke to revisit spoken speech.


Patient and Doctor!

Patient: Doctor! you would like to assist me! nobody ever listens to me. nobody ever pays attention to what I even have to mention .

Doctor: Next please!


Confused Man

A: Just check out the young man with short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: this is often a woman . She is my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry sir. I didn't know you were his father.
B: I'm not. i'm her mother.


Headmaster and Student

Headmaster: Rumi, I had complaints from all of your teachers about you. What were you doing?

Rumi: Nothing, sir.

Headmaster: Exactly.


Crying

A: Why are you crying?

B: The elephant is dead.

A: Was he your pet?

B: No, but i will be able to dig his grave.


Teacher and Student

A teacher asked a student to write down 55.

The student asked: How?

Teacher: Write 5 and 5 more!

Student: 5 wrote and paused.

Teacher: What are you waiting for?

Student: I do not know which thanks to write the opposite 5!


Teacher and Student

When I want to show coolers, I just tell my students to pretend the phone is ringing and that they will answer:

The phone rings: "Green, green!"
They answer: "Yellow?"
They ask: "White?"
They paused: "Pink!"

Holding the phone pretending to be your hand while teaching it.


Goldfish

Two goldfish during a bowl talking:

Goldfish 1: does one believe God?

Goldfish 2: in fact , I do! does one think water changes?


Man and Woman funny Talking

Man: I could end the planet for you.
Woman: Yes, but will you stay there?

Man: I provide you with myself.
Woman: I'm sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I would like to share everything with you.
Female: Let's start together with your checking account.

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